Exactly When

journalKylee, of Madison, Wisconsin, asked me, “How old were you when you knew you wanted to be a writer?”

As it happens I know exactly when. At the beginning of 1955 I decided to keep a diary. On January the First, I wrote, “Considering this a very important year in my life—the school musical, graduation, summer, first year of college, I thought it would be a good idea to record these events … because I wish to clarify my own thinking and ideas.”

The diary has long lists of books I was reading, as well as quotes I liked: “For words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.” (Tennyson) The pages are full of my own wise thoughts, too. “Read Plato. Not bad.” It chronicles my seventeen-year-old efforts at writing, reading, my love of the theatre, and my crushes on girls. 

On March 28, 1955, I wrote: “Well, I finally said it out loud. I intend to stay with the theatre.  In the theatre one can do everything in the world—write, build and be anything or anybody … There is so much to write about.”

I had decided to become a writer, a playwright. From playwright to writer of books for young people is a whole other story. But March 28, 1955 was the day I knew I wanted to be a writer.

Starting a new book

mazeWhat’s it like to start a new book? Sometimes I think it’s like a maze, one that has many entrances, many passages, and many outcomes, none known (though you think you know the entrance). The maze also has many dead ends. It certainly doesn’t have a known exit.  I, the writer, poke along through this maze, now this passage, and now that, feeling my way (and I mean that feeling literarily). If it feels good, I press on to the next choice of turns.  If it doesn’t feel right, I retreat and go another way. I may even have to go back and start again. From a different place. The more I go forward, however, the clearer the way forward—unless, of course, I reach another dead end and have to yet start again.  Curiously enough for all the hesitations, false moves, guesses, dead ends, the goal is to make the story appear inevitable, as if it had no hesitations, false moves, guesses, or dead ends. Do you think writers always know what they are doing? Think again.